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A conversation heard on Easter:

Abraham to me: Do you have a Mother?
Annabelle: She already died without us Abraham.
Abraham: Oh, my brother died.
Me: No, he didn’t Abraham. He’s right there.
Abraham: Oh.
Annabelle: I’m going to die! But when I get old. And Baba will die when he gets old. And you will Mama and Abraham and Baby Alex but when we all get old. Then we will live together in heaven.
Me: Do you really believe that Annabelle?
Annabelle: Yep. I do!

The faith of a child is inspiring, right? Here is another conversation between those same two angelic kids heard about an hour later.

Annabelle: Get out of here Abraham!
Abraham: No you get out. I told you girls cannot touch the whale!
Annabelle: You don’t say that (pushes him). You can only touch Nemo!
Abraham: You are ruining me! (screaming and red-faced) She’s ruining me!

Well, those are just a few of the fun conversations we get to hear around here. In other news:

William’s sweet Mother was rejected for her tourist visa again. She has applied to the U.S. embassy twice now, simply for the chance to visit the U.S. She would like to meet her newest grandchild. She would like to see the wonderful life her son has made for himself in this country. She would like to hang out with us, cook with us, play with the kids, and have a fun visit. Doesn’t sound unreasonable right? And yet, she has been deemed unworthy even to come for a visit. Again.

I am sad about it and the kids are disappointed, but we’ll be okay. William, on the other hand, is quite devastated. Considering he is the most optimistic person I know, it is especially hard to see his pain. He is trying not to show it, but the pain is deep. This is his Mom, after all, and Moms are important to us all. But to be so far away from one’s Mom for so long, so have accomplished so much and not be able to share it with her---for a son like William, it is simply heart-breaking.

No system is perfect, of course, but whether we will have the faith and energy (not to mention the money) to ever try again is very hard to say. On the other hand, how can we not try again, and again, and again until one day she finally gets a “yes”. In the meantime, I hope she can “bounce back” as best one can and that we will somehow find a way to feel peace about it, or at least in spite of it.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. We shall see what the future holds. We recognize the great gifts in our lives and we are keenly aware of our blessings. Despite them, though, there are (as I suppose there are for all of us) some challenges that seem beyond our control. We hope we can learn and grow and come out better on the other end of this trial.

That is the latest here. Hope you're all doing well!

Happy Easter!

We enjoyed a beautiful Easter Egg Hunt at the park today, followed by lunch with some friends. The kids are really loving our new house, particularly the yard. It has really made a big difference for us all. Our new place is all one floor, which makes keeping track of an active one-year-old much easier. It's also much easier to clean, not having to go up and down stairs. It's an older home, nothing fancy, but we are very happy here.

I've probably been a little vague in my posts lately in some of my references to life's ups and downs, wondering about assertiveness, etc. To be honest, life is wonderful. Having said that, this has been a melancholy time for me for a huge variety of reasons. Sometimes there is nothing "wrong" per say---there's just a lot "there" in my heart, in my head, and in life. I'm sure it's true for all of us. Anyway, I'm working on trying to relax and am trying to let go of the things I cannot control.

I realized something about myself. For as talkative and fairly open about my emotions as I am, I am also a very private person. This was sort of news to me, but it's true. I hold a lot in---there's always a lot more going on than I ever let out. Sometimes that's exhuasting. Sometimes I think it's a gift. Sometimes I think it's a curse. Maybe it's not as unusual as I think, but I sometimes feel like I'm on an island.

The kids are doing great---growing so fast. They are hilarious. Every single day they make me laugh. Abraham has started occasionally calling me "Lori" while Annabelle now refers to me as "Mother". Sometimes when I tell Abraham it's time to eat before William gets home he says "But our Father's not here yet!" The two of them are so interesting to watch. I just went in to check on them and Annabelle's in bed with Abraham. Before I could say anything she said, "I want to sleep with my brother" and he said "Ya, we're snuggle bunnies". I mean really, what's a mom to do? I just kissed them both and walked out.

Alexander is a special kid. My pregnancy with him was so scary and there were at least two times that we really thought we'd lost him. I look at him now with all his strength and energy, his beautiful smile, and I think of how incomplete our family would be without him. The second part of his middle name, Ping, means peace and he has brought so much of it into our family. I love being a mother. I love being their mom.

William is always trying to learn something new. He loves finance and economics and is studying those things in his "spare time". He has been studying the stock market and making predictions, then following how things go. He has been right on so many times and we keep thinking, if only we had something other than monopoly money to invest! Oh well, someday :)

We've been attending the Mandarin-speaking group at church for awhile now and it's going well. We've had three baptisms and our little group is growing. William serves in the Elder's Quorum presidency and I am teaching Relief Society. It's quite a humbling task for me but I only need to do it once a month so (theoretically) I have lots of time to prepare my lessons.

I don't know what our plans for the future will be. Right now, we're here and we're happy. Although it's incredibly expensive we do love where we live. It's a great community, the kids love their preschool, and we've met some wonderful people. Still, one never knows what's around the corner. I have learned not to care too much about where we are or what we're doing, as long as we're together.

I love my family. I have a lot to be grateful for. I wish you all a wonderful Easter and a fun spring break!!!

Focusing on the Blessings: Our Baby is One!

The following pics are a hodge podge (is that a real phrase?) of Alexander's birthday celebrations and a few random ones of the kids in their new yard, which they love! I will dedicate another post specifically to baby Alex, but in the meantime, enjoy the pics!



Alexander is 1!!!

Singing to the Birthday boy.


"The Movers taking a donut break"
Our kids with their best buds (our neighbors from our previous place).
They had fun helping us load our moving truck last week-end.

The kids' new favorite thing is to bring their blankets and pillows out to the trampoline.

Of course, baby Alex tries to get in on the action.

This is our word wall, or at least the beginning of it. Abraham is teaching Annabelle. Notice how he is pointing to the letters and, although you can't tell here, making her repeat each letter.

She's over the word wall already.

Our friends Chun Fen and Jin Yan with their son, Jimmy. Their other son, Wei, is taking the picture. This was our hysterical attempt at a nice family photo. Notice how miserable the birthday boy is here. All the kids are looking anywhere but at the camera.

Wonderful friends, Sheila and Gary. Looking at this photo, it acutally

looks like Alexander could be their kid!

Emily and Michael (2 of Gary and Sheila's sweet kids)

Our previous neighbors, Kristen and Steve


Alexander is absolutely a Daddy's Boy

We're ready for baby brother's party, Mom!

Gathered 'round the birthday boy.

Kids going CRAZY with the cupcakes!

"Hmm...which present should I open next?"

Life certainly has its ups and downs. Some ups and downs are public and we don't mind sharing them. Some are private and we may suffer, to varying degrees, in silence. Regardless, we all have challenges and life is, among other things, about working through them and trying to find joy no matter what. Having said that, here are just a few of the things that bring me peace and joy.

My husband and favorite person in the world, Qian Zhiming. Our marriage, our genuine respect and affection for one another. All the challenges that have made us work hard and draw closer to each other and to what is most important.

Our precious, amazingly aware, fun, sweet, smart children.

Our health.

Our safety.

Our faith to call upon God to help us through the trials and help us to recognize the joy.

Our extended family---the love they have for our kids, the good memories they hold.

Our dear friends---old and new.

Wonderful babysitters.

Good jobs.

Sunny days, watching the kids ride their bikes and play in the sand. Welcoming friends to our home to celebrate our "baby's" first birthday!!!

I have No Guts and I Hate Myself for It

Okay, not really but I had to get your attention! Oh, the issues. Where do I start? The public blog thing does make it a little tricky to fully expose what I'm going through, so I'll speak more in generalities (not that I really think the involved parties will look at my blog but still...)

Assertiveness. Are we born with this? Can we learn it? Why do I possess this trait in some contexts and not in others? Do the people who have this trait even know it? If it's not hard for you to be direct or "tough", can you even be called "assertive"? Does being assertive mean there is effort involved? I have become painfully aware lately that in certain situations, I am a complete...non-existent, bland, wimpy doormat.

Or am I just really humble and nice?

No. That's not it. Because there's fear involved. I'm not purposefully "turning the other cheek". I just can't get the nerve up to say what I want to say. I somehow feel...unentitled. Why?

There is a certain business relationship in which I have not been assertive. I have been silent, nice, accomodating. Now, I am being---in the current vernacular---screwed. Sorry, but there's just no better way to put it people! I am having a very difficult time with this. I cannot "let it go". It bothers me. It angers me. But most shocking to me, it actually hurts me. I want people to be nice. I want them to be fair. I don't want to have to get "geared up" just to have conversations with people. I don't want to have a stomach ache for days after one 2-minute conversation with certain people. And yet, I do.

Does this person have any idea of the effect he/she has on me? Probably not. Is is my own fault for not being more assertive/tough/no-nonsense in the beginning? Probably, but it is not the beginning anymore...

Am I crazy? This is one situation in 100. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I don't have a problem speaking my mind, telling people what I think, and doing what I want to do. But there is this...and it really, really bugs me.

A wide-open post, I know, but I welcome your comments!